there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
