Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
