that's an acceptable place to lick
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
