This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
