I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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