My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
