3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't deserve a penis
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
