I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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