She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
