so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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