I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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