I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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