Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The Olympian is in my bed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
