No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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