im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
