I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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