first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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