I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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