It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
