i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
