he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
