my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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