i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
