You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
