the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
