3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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