I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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