I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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