he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She needs sedatives and a leash
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We are all done wearing pants today
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
