; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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