I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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