porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
