He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
