Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
