Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
