I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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