Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
