Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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