i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
