i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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