On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
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I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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