I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
