He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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