im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
