i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
