every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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