You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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