Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
