I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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