when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
How's work?
Spinning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
