I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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