that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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