You're my little dorito
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
