you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
