ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
