Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
