He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
