dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
