If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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