Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
