You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have demons in me.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
