I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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