There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
