I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
