Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
