How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
what the fuck happened to the tacos
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
