I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
