She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
