my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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