...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
