You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
