everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
