I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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