Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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