3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hippo gnu deer
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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