You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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