make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
