In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
