I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
