Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
as a side note pls kill me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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