Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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