it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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