So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it's like iHOP with fire
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
