I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ladies don't puke and tell
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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